Where are you?
In a non slutty way
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
