Buhtt sex?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
