I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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