Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
This is my gift to your gina
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
