office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
