apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
