the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
