I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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