I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ladies don't puke and tell
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
