just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
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Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
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He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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