If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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