good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
