yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
