we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
