i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
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