So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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