Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
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The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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