I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
