u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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