My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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