I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
