His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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