My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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