found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
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I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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