My liver just broke up with me...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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