My liver just broke up with me...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
