Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
