my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
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I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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