It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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