you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She bit a glass in half.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
