if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
