we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
