I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
