He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
