I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
