my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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