oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
