i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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