i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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