The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
