shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize