i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
