How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.