Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
