Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack