My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
