my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
