3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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