Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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