just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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