There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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