I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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