RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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