i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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