Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
