I'm drive I can fine osifer
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Randomize
