you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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