It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
