Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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