Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
