Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
