it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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