He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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