Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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