i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
