My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
