Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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