thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
