Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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