listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
