I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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