So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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