Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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