We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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