The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
