some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
