Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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