I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
