what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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