i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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