We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
