So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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