I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
