he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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