is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
