we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
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Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
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My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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