First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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