I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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