Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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