just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
how does that bad decision feel?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize