I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
